I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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