I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
