I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
