Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
