So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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