Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
