This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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