she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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