Plan B is the new Plan A
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
