She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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