I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
