She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Are we still banned from the library?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
