Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
