Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
