Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
