did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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