How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if only i could text you this smell
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
