I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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