i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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