Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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