You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
