Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
someone owes me an orgasm
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize