My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
