Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
A+ Viking dick
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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