you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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