Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
