I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize