I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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