She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
