yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
