I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize