Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
organizing the empties. That sober.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
