this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
