I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
