She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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