I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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