My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
