Welp...herpes.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
