I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
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