So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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