its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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