We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
