They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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