I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
