I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
