My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
