You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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