just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
