He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
