Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
