Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
