Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
