it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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