the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
