Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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