he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
