Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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