Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
