Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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