Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
