I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize