We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
