Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
