I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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