Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
