I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
