oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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