Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
