Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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