dude i'm inner monologue high
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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