I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
