nut hugger
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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