Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
