Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
false alarm. still invincible.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
