Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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