my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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