ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I would fuck him just for his dog
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
