I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
